Thursday, October 13, 2011

Surviving Sexual Tension

Okay Grey People, we’ve all been there. You are good friends with a girl, and then suddenly things are different. She hugs you and it feels like it’s for longer than it should, she smiles at you and you forget what you were talking about, innocent glances become significantly less innocent over time. But she’s your friend, your best friend even, and you don’t want to screw up your friendship by screwing her, so what do you do?

Well, I have been dealing with this very situation for a little while now, and have thought of some things you can do; but I’m much more versed in things you shouldn’t :-) Aren’t we all?


1.     First, take some space. The more time you spend together, the worse it will get. Make new friends, get closer (platonically closer) with other friends, or just take some “you” time.
2.     Date somebody else. Or at least make out with someone else. I’m not promoting blind promiscuity (though I don’t judge, either way), I’m simply pointing out that it’s harder to think about what one girl might look like naked when there’s another naked girl in front of you ;-)
3.     Be honest about the situation. Ignoring the sexual tension may work in some cases, but if it persists, it’s best to just acknowledge it—that way you can laugh about it together, and begin the process of eliminating it (or at least squelching it somewhat).
4.     Set boundaries! This has been the hardest one for me to learn. All of those things she does that make you feel lightheaded and nauseous? Ask her not to do them for a while! Take a break from the playful dancing and grinding (all friends grind up on one another—you know you do it too!) and the fun pet names until they don’t make you wish you were kissing her anymore.


1.     Don’t spend time alone with her! The more you’re alone, the more opportunities will arise for you to slip. And slipping most often leads to falling. The glances get more intense, the playfulness more bold, and before you know it, boundaries go out the window. Hang out in groups if you do see her. This will help you both contain yourselves, for fear that someone else may notice.
2.     Don’t talk about things that can lead to no-so-innocent actions. This includes things like the human body (body parts can be dangerous), whether or not you look good in something, how nobody is into you right now, and of course, sex; if you need an opinion, ask someone else! Don’t even talk about the girl your dating. This one isn’t necessarily intuitive, but talking about the girl your seeing can lead to unconscious comparison of that girl to your supposedly platonic friend, and you can end up talking yourself out of dating her!
3.     Don’t cave on the boundaries! This one is on both lists because it’s the hardest fucking thing in the world sometimes! If you say you’re not going to do something, stick to it and don’t do it. Don’t put yourself in situations that allow for the blurring of lines. Don’t get wasted at a party where your friend is the only one who can drive you home. Don’t circumvent the space clause by using other modes of communication. If you’re not texting, than Facebook messaging counts too! If you’re not seeing each other, stop looking at her FB wall everyday!
4.     Lastly, don’t talk to your other friends about it. It makes it worse, and it keeps her on your mind when you’re supposed to be engaging with others. Spending time with other friends isn’t going to work if you spend the entire time listening to their thoughts on the situation, and their musings about how “you two could work, if you were willing to go there.” DON’T GO THERE! There’s no turning back.

If anyone has any other suggestions, feel free to post them—we can all use all of the help we can get!

In the meantime, stay strong! True friends aren’t worth sacrificing for one night of bliss, no matter how blissful it may be :-) If it’s not a good idea, and you know it, do what you have to do to come out on the other end unscathed.

Peace and love and bugs named Doug,

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